Haha! Its crazy! I'm fucking happy for once! On the night of the first day after my last post I met a wonderful girl from New York who's in Italy with her classmates, shes a sophomore (I thought she might have been a freshman), and goes to an all girls school (don't think anything of it, basically its a normal school sans boys.). Shame she was at the hotel we'd be only spend one night at, so now i'm stuck looking around the streets on the days I know shes in Rome. Also, as odd as it sounds, i've been "checked out" (for lack of a better term) by several Italian girls, who when I notice them, just tilt my head and smile. The city is amazing, I love it. So I'm going to head out for now, I might be on around now tommorrow.

I want out. Seriously, I do. I want to get out of this place, i'd enjoy shredding my american passport so much. Seriously people, do I belong here? Do I? No I don't. Really, theres one reason I'd want to stay here, and that person already knows, but if that doesn't happen, fuck this place. Sure, I have my friends, but as much as I like them, they fit under the "acceptable sacrifices" category. If I have to stop speaking english I will. Sure, odds are I'd end up speaking a language like Dutch, but if anyone has heard me or anyone speaking it, it's pretty crazy language. I think realizing I was a Dutch citizen and getting my passport was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Fuck America, the EU is 1000x better.

Don't you, forget about me.

Don't Don't Don't

Don't you forget about me.

Will you stand above me?

Look my way?

Never love me?

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down down down.

Will you recognize me? Call my name or walk on by?

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down down down down.

Rome is Love

Lets see, what's happened since the last time I updated... Went to the Vatican yesterday, it was ok, then off to the Musei Vaticani which was grand. Afterwards I was walking around outside the exit and these Spanish girls kept taking looks at me and giggling when I got close. I walked up to them and after about ten minutes of trying to speak the others language and laughing at eachother stupidity, the main one I was talking to goes "I really like your eyes, thats what I wanted to see." (something like that.) Basically, flirting when you barely know the others language (well over two years of spanish and I still can barely speak it outside of class.) will at least 75% of the time be crazed body movements and horrid attempts at speaking the others language. God I love this city, and a special girl who I keep looking for because I'm hoping to see her one more time. I just love walking around at night, for the times I was at the bookstore walking across the Tiber into Trastevere. Right now I'm at an Irish pub, where I was last night as well, and its great. Spending the rest of my nights at the Campo di Fiori or at the Piazza Navona. It's going to really suck going back home, because compared to this place its an utter shithole, my friends are there, but at least here girls are actually interested in me. Well I'll be on around now tommorrow, see you. I love Europe : )

I'm in Rome right now. Our flight left like two hours late from Miami due to thunderstorms, and when we arrived at Milan-Malpensa we had just missed our connection, along with at least thirty other people (thats enough for them to hold the plane you fools!). So after a bit of a fiasco we got transferred to Milan-Lante(?) and then flew to Rome finally.

Anyway, I feel like such utter shit, its 20.48 here right now, and I dunno. I don't know why but i'm depressed way too much now, but it's not like I can do anything about that. I just don't feel right here, but it's not like I feel right at home, I guess god chose for me to live a shoddy unmeaningful existence. I just wish something could go right for once, just for once.

Is that too much to ask?

I'll catch you guys around this time tommorrow.

Hoooooohhhoooohhh

Hoooooohhhoooohhh

Hoooooohhhoooohhh

Did-did-did-did-did you see the frightened ones?

Did-did-did-did-did you hear the falling bombs?

Did-did-did-did-did ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the promise of a brave new world unfell beneath the clear blue sky?

Hooooohhhoooohhh

Hooooohhhoooohhh

Did-did-did-did-did you see the frightened ones?

Did-did-did-did-did you hear the falling bombs?

The flames are long gone but the pain lingers on

Goodbye Blue Sky!

Goodbye Blue Sky!

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

There's something about foreign music. Be it Russian, German, Dutch, Italian, Romanian, and so on. Be it Pop, Techno/Trance, Rock, and so on. It must be the fact that a lot of times you can't tell what their saying, its the fact its good, and yet how its so unknown. Its just so calming sometimes...

Alo

Salut

Sunt eu, un haiduc.
Si te rog, iubirea mea primeste fericirea.

Today (17th of March in the Age of the Lord MMIV) I will be leaving for Rome, Italy, via Milan. We shall be staying in a Flat near the Piazza Navona until the afternoon of the 25th (leave a comment if you want to make plans for the 25th, 26th, or 27th.). If you want to reach me in Rome, if I find an internet cafe, I will most likely be on in the evening (i.e. six or later) which will be from noon EST to maybe four or five due to Rome being on Central European Time. Now, there is a slight chance I will spend the money in my wallet ($100, 25 Euros, 10 NZD) to buy a train ticket (yes I have enough) to either London via Paris, or I will end up in the Principality of Licteinstein or the Principality of San Marino due to whatever Diplomatic Immunities I'll get there (if someone tries to drag me back to the states.) I'll see you guys later today before I leave towards better horizons.

Just for your information, I will no longer be the same person, enjoy.

If any of you could find me the price of a train ticket from Rome to Paris in either Euros or USD, it'd be helpful, much thanks.

Well I got rid of her, again.

Isn't it lovely how, when someone wants back into your life, they act as if they'll do anything for you, but once they're finally back in and they know it, they'll ignore you and treat you like shit? 

Tonight i'm doing some Jewish Hummer Limo Road Rally thing from 8-12.

But it truly is wonderful how someone also disappears for almost 24 hours (still counting mind you) right after?

Well that just isn't Cool for Cats now is it?

Doled out one by one, promises in each little sphere. Taken with water, two will make it go away, three to four shut the door, five or more turn the key.

Sunlight fading, spots going off in the sky, voices resonant, piercing eyes, time too slow.

And the darkness comes, just like it should've, but never had the chance.

Final Sunset of the Spotless Mind.

The Trial

Good Morning the worm your honour!  The crown will plainly show the prisoner that now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings, feelings of an almost human nature!

This will not do.

Call the School master!

...

*Voices rise in unison*

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.
Bright and Early for the daily races,  going nowhere, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, no tommorrow, no tommorrow.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world,
mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good.
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
When they feel the way every child should.
Sit and listen, sit and listen.
Went to school and I was very nervous,
noone knew me, noone knew me.
Hello teacher, tell me whats my lesson,
look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world...
mad world...

enlargen your world... 

Et Tu?

Et Tu, Brutus?

Are you going to already?  What are you waiting for?  Stab me like all your friends have done, its nothing new.  I lie in the puddle of my own blood for even trying to bring a change to this Empire.  You see that dagger in your hand?  It belongs in my heart, thats where it goes.  I am already dying,  end my suffering already.  I am truly sorry that you just couldn't stand me changing things, and I am truly sorry for that.

-Brutus strikes forward,  Julius is slain, and Brutus runs out of the senate-

Oh Thine Heart, Why Does thy Doth Burn?

I don't even know whats going on anymore, everytime I start to have an extreme sense of an emotion I just drug myself down (the people of my Spanish II class see me the most like this.).  Today was ok, Geometry went fine, then Gym passed by, in PC Support I the server/power was down so we sat around, and at some point we just all took our cells and played ringtones for ten minutes, after lunch we watched White Fang.  Right before Spanish started I saw her again, which for some reason whenever I see her, some extreme of an emotion is stirred, so I just took my little baggie out and took a sleeping pill.  Of course I tell myself "Justin, lack of sleep plus a sleeping pills equals overkill," I don't listen, and I end up passing out every ten minutes in my class until I get used to it and just stay awake with the pills in effect.  I came home, lied around, ended up getting really angry so I took two more pills, which is just stupid because nowadays my pills last longer on me which means I just crossed dosages.  So I ended up passing out on my bed and then waking up a half hour later with a throbbing headache and walking around my house like a Zombie.  Oh well, I do these things because if I don't I fear i'm going to kill someone or worse, myself.

Judged in the Name of God - - - -  Ye Art Guilty

Life is a Cruel Mistress.

Judged in the Name of God - - - - Ye Not Guilty

Actually, what I put up there, must be an utter lie.  I believe I am guilty, how so? Let me explain.

My life is getting progressively worse, I love how people say "Oh, It'll get better" and then another bad thing happens.  Yesterday I almost got a two day suspension, but managed to get a saturday detention.  Then in my next class (the teacher who reported me teaches this.) the teacher thought I was proud of it (even though I wasn't, she just cut me off and said I was arrogant.) and stuck me out in the hall, called my parents, and was on the verge of giving me a referral. 

Oh? Not that bad you say?  How about number two?  The fact anyone I could even feasibly be interested in is taken, or perhaps in one instance hates me.

Number three?  How about the fact my only salvation, a summer in NZ, has gotten its dates fucked up, which might mean July 16th- August 9th, compared with last year's June 25th- July 25th.

Life has turned into hell.

I also feel I am losing my sanity, or that is, whenever I'm not drugged up on sleeping pills so I can't feel the near-constant pain (I ended up having to take sleeping pills in fourth class yesterday, and for some reason they managed to semi-last until the beginning of Youth Court).

You hear that? It's the resonant echo that is almost on a constant replay in my head, it's a constant reminder of my pain and sorrow, I don't even know what's happening, and I make it go away with, what else? sleeping pills.  Hello Mr. Ambien, nice to meet you.

It feels as if the only reason keeping me alive is the future, the hope that in 7 3/8 years everything will turn out like I hope it to, hopefully it will.

But I must ask you this-

If I go crazy will you still call me Superman?

He Came from outer space, to save the human race, a creature with a dream... to play for the children of the night.

-From The Nomi Song, Klaus Nomi

Hatred

Hatred

What is it?

Hatred is anger, pain, suffering, sadness, and grief rolled all into one.
And I am filled with it.

Hatred is close to Love, just as Love is close to death.

I am filled with hatred, and it torments me everyday.

I am filled with hatred, but I never wonder why.

I am filled with hatred, and it never changes.

I am filled with hatred, and I demand revenge.

I am filled with hatred, and I fear for your life.

Were You There?

Were you there when the bombs were dropped?

 

Were you there when the cities and their millions of inhabitants were desintegrated in a fraction of a second?

 

Were you there when a billion cries were silenced?

 

Were you there when the day turned black as night and the snow started to fall?

 

Were you there when the TV and Radio broadcasts stopped?

 

Were you there when any sense of a faVade of a government disappeared?

 

Were you there when the lights went out?

 

Were you there when Earth became one with the darkness of space?

 

I know, I was there.

                                                                                                                        

Signed,

                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                        Justin

                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                    Dated: July 12, 2009

Survey

Seven things in my room:
1- computer
2- tv
3- bed
4- desk
5- flags
6- globe
7- uh, soviet stuff?

Seven things to do before death:
1- Get Married
2- Move to Europe
3- Get rid of American citizenship
4- have kids
5- get a job
6- uh, live happily ever after?
7- hmm...

Top seven movies:
1- Shaun of the Dead
2- 28 Days Later
3- Kill Bill
4- 8 Crazy Nights
5- hmm
6- uh
7- no clue


Top seven things you say most:
1- Hey
2- Bloody
3- Huzzah
4- Bloody Wanker
5- Soviet
6- hmm
7- let me get back to you on this

Seven facts about you:
1- I am Justin Andrew Willems I of The Kingdom of the Netherlands, The United States of America, and The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
2- I'm short
3- I'm 14
4- I have dual citizenships
5- I've got Moneyz
6- I'm too damned sensitive sometimes
7- I'm trying to form an Underground Organization

Seven things that make you sad:
1- being lonely
2- love
3- VALENTINES DAY
4- the fact that now everyone decides to get in a relationship
5- being stuck here right now
6- eh
7- a lot of you guys?

DO YOU:

Smoke?: no
Read the newspaper?: sometimes
Pray?: on occasion
Gone skinny dipping?: hmmm
Had a medical emergency?: no
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: no
Played strip poker?: nope
Gotten beaten up?: I got punched in the face
Beaten someone up?: punched the fucker in the jaw/cheek
Been on stage?: uh, like those stupid 2nd grade things
Slept outdoors?: yep
Pulled an all nighter?: of course
If yes, what is your record?: one night
Ever made out with a stranger?: no
Been on radio/tv?: does the newspaper count?
Been in a mosh-pit?: kinda
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: ahahah, depends what you think
First kiss?: back in november
Pepsi or coke?: Coke
Chocolate or vanilla?: Chocolate
Internet or phone?: both
Suicidal?: awhile back
Stubborn?: somewhat
Open-minded?: somewhat
Arrogant?: occasionally
Patient?: not usually
Hyper?: only during school
Nice?: depends who you are
Happy?: I used to be
Shave your head for $1000?: what? I love my hair!

Like candles?: depends what atmosphere they're in (;

Believe in love at first sight?: yeah

Believe in forgiveness?: sometimes
Want to get married?: yea

Want to have kids?: yeah
Ever want to adopt kids?: not really

ABOUT YOU:

[three words that sum you up]: Crazy, Sensitive, Foreign

[jewelry worn daily]: two rings, and a soviet (any, or russian) pin if that counts
[wallet]: Hello people!
[coffee]: not as much now that i've gotten my teeth whitened

[shoes]: New Balance
[cologne/perfume]: no
[clothing you have on]: blue boxers


—IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU...—

[cried]: almost
[bought something]: uh, lunch?
[gotten sick]: no
[sang]: hmm, no
[eaten]: c'mon, what kind of question is that?
[been kissed]: nope
[felt stupid]: perhaps
[wanted to tell someone you love them, but you didn't]: don't think so
[seen someone you have a crush on]: nope
[had a serious talk]: no
[missed someone]: yes
[hugged someone]: no
[argued with a parent(s)]: earlier

—SOCIAL LIFE—

[best girl friend]: hmmm, I haven't the slightest, uh Shannon?
[best guy friend]: Jake, Brad, Nick, Mike, Tim, a few others
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: nope
[hobbies]: Spending Moneyz, friends, other stuff
[car you drive]: I want a bloody mini!
[would you rather be with friends or on a date]: date
[job]: I have a job waiting for me at circuit city
[church]: synagogue
[like being around people]: yeah

LAST PERSON WHO

. Slept in your bed: well, not sleeping, but lying, Melissa
. Saw you cry: not sure
. Made you cry: That person no longer exists, thank you, have a nice day
. You shared a drink with: hmmm...
. You went to the movies with: Mike, Tim, Ashley, etc.
. You went to the mall with: Nick, Tim
. Yelled at you: Muzzah


HAVE YOU EVER...

. Said "I Love You" and meant it?: I hate you guys so much
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: all the time
. Wish you were the opposite sex: no not really
. Had an imaginary friend: that voice in the back of my hea... no
. What book are you reading now: uh, The Teaching of Buddha?
. Worst feeling in the world: being alone
. What's under your bed: nothing, since I can't put anything under my bed
. Favorite sport to watch: footie!
. Siblings: none
. College plans: Go to UF, if I get kicked out of the country, Oxford, Utrecht, or Gronigen.
. Piercings/tattoos: Dude, of course not
. Do you do drugs: no
. Do you drink: on occasion
. Who is your best friend: Jake outside school, brad inside school
. What clothes do you sleep in: white t-shirt, boxers
. Where do you want to get married: London perhaps?
. Who do you really hate: Haha, take a guess

STUFF

. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: sorta
. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: It's called getting dumped you insensitive fucks
. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really

. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: too many

. Band(s)/Singers/DJ's: The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AC:DC, Guns N` Roses, Travis, The Jam, The Cult, DJ Tiësto, Paul van Dyk, Ferry Corsten, Eiffel 65, and many more
. Color: Red, Orange, Silver, Blue.