Friday, May 30, 2008

The Trial

Good Morning the worm your honour!  The crown will plainly show the prisoner that now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings, feelings of an almost human nature!

This will not do.

Call the School master!


*Voices rise in unison*

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

Friday, May 23, 2008

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.
Bright and Early for the daily races,  going nowhere, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, no tommorrow, no tommorrow.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world,
mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good.
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
When they feel the way every child should.
Sit and listen, sit and listen.
Went to school and I was very nervous,
noone knew me, noone knew me.
Hello teacher, tell me whats my lesson,
look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world...
mad world...

enlargen your world... 

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Et Tu?

Et Tu, Brutus?

Are you going to already?  What are you waiting for?  Stab me like all your friends have done, its nothing new.  I lie in the puddle of my own blood for even trying to bring a change to this Empire.  You see that dagger in your hand?  It belongs in my heart, thats where it goes.  I am already dying,  end my suffering already.  I am truly sorry that you just couldn't stand me changing things, and I am truly sorry for that.

-Brutus strikes forward,  Julius is slain, and Brutus runs out of the senate-

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Oh Thine Heart, Why Does thy Doth Burn?

I don't even know whats going on anymore, everytime I start to have an extreme sense of an emotion I just drug myself down (the people of my Spanish II class see me the most like this.).  Today was ok, Geometry went fine, then Gym passed by, in PC Support I the server/power was down so we sat around, and at some point we just all took our cells and played ringtones for ten minutes, after lunch we watched White Fang.  Right before Spanish started I saw her again, which for some reason whenever I see her, some extreme of an emotion is stirred, so I just took my little baggie out and took a sleeping pill.  Of course I tell myself "Justin, lack of sleep plus a sleeping pills equals overkill," I don't listen, and I end up passing out every ten minutes in my class until I get used to it and just stay awake with the pills in effect.  I came home, lied around, ended up getting really angry so I took two more pills, which is just stupid because nowadays my pills last longer on me which means I just crossed dosages.  So I ended up passing out on my bed and then waking up a half hour later with a throbbing headache and walking around my house like a Zombie.  Oh well, I do these things because if I don't I fear i'm going to kill someone or worse, myself.

Judged in the Name of God - - - -  Ye Art Guilty

Monday, May 12, 2008

Life is a Cruel Mistress.

Judged in the Name of God - - - - Ye Not Guilty

Actually, what I put up there, must be an utter lie.  I believe I am guilty, how so? Let me explain.

My life is getting progressively worse, I love how people say "Oh, It'll get better" and then another bad thing happens.  Yesterday I almost got a two day suspension, but managed to get a saturday detention.  Then in my next class (the teacher who reported me teaches this.) the teacher thought I was proud of it (even though I wasn't, she just cut me off and said I was arrogant.) and stuck me out in the hall, called my parents, and was on the verge of giving me a referral. 

Oh? Not that bad you say?  How about number two?  The fact anyone I could even feasibly be interested in is taken, or perhaps in one instance hates me.

Number three?  How about the fact my only salvation, a summer in NZ, has gotten its dates fucked up, which might mean July 16th- August 9th, compared with last year's June 25th- July 25th.

Life has turned into hell.

I also feel I am losing my sanity, or that is, whenever I'm not drugged up on sleeping pills so I can't feel the near-constant pain (I ended up having to take sleeping pills in fourth class yesterday, and for some reason they managed to semi-last until the beginning of Youth Court).

You hear that? It's the resonant echo that is almost on a constant replay in my head, it's a constant reminder of my pain and sorrow, I don't even know what's happening, and I make it go away with, what else? sleeping pills.  Hello Mr. Ambien, nice to meet you.

It feels as if the only reason keeping me alive is the future, the hope that in 7 3/8 years everything will turn out like I hope it to, hopefully it will.

But I must ask you this-

If I go crazy will you still call me Superman?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

He Came from outer space, to save the human race, a creature with a dream... to play for the children of the night.

-From The Nomi Song, Klaus Nomi

Sunday, May 4, 2008



What is it?

Hatred is anger, pain, suffering, sadness, and grief rolled all into one.
And I am filled with it.

Hatred is close to Love, just as Love is close to death.

I am filled with hatred, and it torments me everyday.

I am filled with hatred, but I never wonder why.

I am filled with hatred, and it never changes.

I am filled with hatred, and I demand revenge.

I am filled with hatred, and I fear for your life.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Were You There?

Were you there when the bombs were dropped?


Were you there when the cities and their millions of inhabitants were desintegrated in a fraction of a second?


Were you there when a billion cries were silenced?


Were you there when the day turned black as night and the snow started to fall?


Were you there when the TV and Radio broadcasts stopped?


Were you there when any sense of a faVade of a government disappeared?


Were you there when the lights went out?


Were you there when Earth became one with the darkness of space?


I know, I was there.






                                                                                                                                    Dated: July 12, 2009

Thursday, May 1, 2008


Seven things in my room:
1- computer
2- tv
3- bed
4- desk
5- flags
6- globe
7- uh, soviet stuff?

Seven things to do before death:
1- Get Married
2- Move to Europe
3- Get rid of American citizenship
4- have kids
5- get a job
6- uh, live happily ever after?
7- hmm...

Top seven movies:
1- Shaun of the Dead
2- 28 Days Later
3- Kill Bill
4- 8 Crazy Nights
5- hmm
6- uh
7- no clue

Top seven things you say most:
1- Hey
2- Bloody
3- Huzzah
4- Bloody Wanker
5- Soviet
6- hmm
7- let me get back to you on this

Seven facts about you:
1- I am Justin Andrew Willems I of The Kingdom of the Netherlands, The United States of America, and The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
2- I'm short
3- I'm 14
4- I have dual citizenships
5- I've got Moneyz
6- I'm too damned sensitive sometimes
7- I'm trying to form an Underground Organization

Seven things that make you sad:
1- being lonely
2- love
4- the fact that now everyone decides to get in a relationship
5- being stuck here right now
6- eh
7- a lot of you guys?


Smoke?: no
Read the newspaper?: sometimes
Pray?: on occasion
Gone skinny dipping?: hmmm
Had a medical emergency?: no
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: no
Played strip poker?: nope
Gotten beaten up?: I got punched in the face
Beaten someone up?: punched the fucker in the jaw/cheek
Been on stage?: uh, like those stupid 2nd grade things
Slept outdoors?: yep
Pulled an all nighter?: of course
If yes, what is your record?: one night
Ever made out with a stranger?: no
Been on radio/tv?: does the newspaper count?
Been in a mosh-pit?: kinda
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: ahahah, depends what you think
First kiss?: back in november
Pepsi or coke?: Coke
Chocolate or vanilla?: Chocolate
Internet or phone?: both
Suicidal?: awhile back
Stubborn?: somewhat
Open-minded?: somewhat
Arrogant?: occasionally
Patient?: not usually
Hyper?: only during school
Nice?: depends who you are
Happy?: I used to be
Shave your head for $1000?: what? I love my hair!

Like candles?: depends what atmosphere they're in (;

Believe in love at first sight?: yeah

Believe in forgiveness?: sometimes
Want to get married?: yea

Want to have kids?: yeah
Ever want to adopt kids?: not really


[three words that sum you up]: Crazy, Sensitive, Foreign

[jewelry worn daily]: two rings, and a soviet (any, or russian) pin if that counts
[wallet]: Hello people!
[coffee]: not as much now that i've gotten my teeth whitened

[shoes]: New Balance
[cologne/perfume]: no
[clothing you have on]: blue boxers


[cried]: almost
[bought something]: uh, lunch?
[gotten sick]: no
[sang]: hmm, no
[eaten]: c'mon, what kind of question is that?
[been kissed]: nope
[felt stupid]: perhaps
[wanted to tell someone you love them, but you didn't]: don't think so
[seen someone you have a crush on]: nope
[had a serious talk]: no
[missed someone]: yes
[hugged someone]: no
[argued with a parent(s)]: earlier


[best girl friend]: hmmm, I haven't the slightest, uh Shannon?
[best guy friend]: Jake, Brad, Nick, Mike, Tim, a few others
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: nope
[hobbies]: Spending Moneyz, friends, other stuff
[car you drive]: I want a bloody mini!
[would you rather be with friends or on a date]: date
[job]: I have a job waiting for me at circuit city
[church]: synagogue
[like being around people]: yeah


. Slept in your bed: well, not sleeping, but lying, Melissa
. Saw you cry: not sure
. Made you cry: That person no longer exists, thank you, have a nice day
. You shared a drink with: hmmm...
. You went to the movies with: Mike, Tim, Ashley, etc.
. You went to the mall with: Nick, Tim
. Yelled at you: Muzzah


. Said "I Love You" and meant it?: I hate you guys so much
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: all the time
. Wish you were the opposite sex: no not really
. Had an imaginary friend: that voice in the back of my hea... no
. What book are you reading now: uh, The Teaching of Buddha?
. Worst feeling in the world: being alone
. What's under your bed: nothing, since I can't put anything under my bed
. Favorite sport to watch: footie!
. Siblings: none
. College plans: Go to UF, if I get kicked out of the country, Oxford, Utrecht, or Gronigen.
. Piercings/tattoos: Dude, of course not
. Do you do drugs: no
. Do you drink: on occasion
. Who is your best friend: Jake outside school, brad inside school
. What clothes do you sleep in: white t-shirt, boxers
. Where do you want to get married: London perhaps?
. Who do you really hate: Haha, take a guess


. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: sorta
. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: It's called getting dumped you insensitive fucks
. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really

. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: too many

. Band(s)/Singers/DJ's: The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AC:DC, Guns N` Roses, Travis, The Jam, The Cult, DJ Tiƫsto, Paul van Dyk, Ferry Corsten, Eiffel 65, and many more
. Color: Red, Orange, Silver, Blue.