Sunday, July 20, 2008

I saw you again today.

If it weren't for your friends being there, I would've bashed your face in.

There once was a time I loved you, but now I hate you with every fiber of my being.

Everything thats wrong with me today, every dead brain cell, every severed nerve, thats thanks to you.

I've been twisted into something I didn't realize I could become.

I was once full of Love, now I'm full of Anger and Hatred.

Don't worry dear, hush now, it won't be that long.

I might spare a friend or two, but most of them will have to be, how do you say, acceptable sacrifices?

If it weren't for the fact this country had laws against it, i'm pretty sure a good portion of your friends wouldn't be here today.

Don't worry though dear, I'd keep you alive, what good would you be dead? I'm pretty sure you prefer mutilation over death right?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Walk On

And I know it aches, and your heart it breaks, you can only take so much... walk on...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Embrace Hatred, Fear, and Anger.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

'Can't you see that the world hates you now? You're not wanted.'

Why is it that everything gets to be the same downwards spiral?

I'll never leave this goddamned piece of shit fucking place until at least my sophomore year of college

I have a resistance to pills now, four melatonin and still nothing, oh boy

Odds are my ex hates me and we're never getting back together

Oh, and i'm listening to Linkin Park

if it weren't for the fact that it'd get me nowhere, i'd probably be dead already

I'll paint it on the walls, because i'm the one that falls, i'll never fight again, and this is how it ends.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

"Just watch your back man, Love makes you blind."

I just wish my friends weren't right, for once.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


Have you ever noticed it?

Everyone is waiting

Everyone, Everything

You have to admit, everyone is waiting for something, be it for something soon, or something later, a week, a month, even years.

We all wait, regardless of whether we want to or not, we don't have a choice.

It's the very essence of time, time moves of its own will, its just how we perceive it does.

Fast? Slow? It's up to your perception.

Vicis exspecto pro nemo

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

We're gonna run run run to the Cities of the Future, take what we can and bring it back home, so take me down to the Cities of the Future, where everybodies happy and I feel at home.


Well I find myself going away, never wanting to go back again.  Leaving all my thoughts behind, searching for some new ones inside...

I found myself, I found myself, I found myself, I found myself, I found myself, I found myself, I know myself, I know myself!

-Insert Trance Breakdown Here-

Monday, June 30, 2008


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Something going off in my system


hurts, thought=bad

give me a fucking plane dammit, a fucking plane and fucking fuel, and some Euros while we're at it.


Friday, June 27, 2008

"-And For The Moon Be Still As Bright"

What is the defining course in life? What choices are there to make?

We must look at the current choices:

To Do Something you really wanted to do for the past four months, even though the road may be hard, you are willing to get past it to attain what you seek, but you aren't sure that in the end it will be really worth it, because afterwards there will be more obstacles,

To Do Something as hard as, if not harder, than the preceding, but in which what happens is entirely unknown to you, and in which doing, will sacrfice seeing your friends for an undetermined amount of time.

or To Not Do Anything, in which would keep things as they are now, but unhappiness is confirmed.

What is the choice to make in life at such crossroads? What questions are we to ask of ourselves and of others? What to do when the world has forsaken you as the day does of night?

Answers to life's questions are never easy.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Barely did anything this weekend, other then be jet lagged, did go to the mall once. Lifes getting pretty much back to normality.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I Feel the Rhythm in my Soul, Just Have Your Body Let Go

Well its an LTM day, woke up slightly early to do Inglese work, and I'm just kind of lying here, now done, enjoying the "beauty" of Trance music. I got a new live set last night, which I am enjoying quite much.

Ferry Corsten is Amazing, just wanted to get that out there.
Haha! Its crazy! I'm fucking happy for once! On the night of the first day after my last post I met a wonderful girl from New York who's in Italy with her classmates, shes a sophomore (I thought she might have been a freshman), and goes to an all girls school (don't think anything of it, basically its a normal school sans boys.). Shame she was at the hotel we'd be only spend one night at, so now i'm stuck looking around the streets on the days I know shes in Rome. Also, as odd as it sounds, i've been "checked out" (for lack of a better term) by several Italian girls, who when I notice them, just tilt my head and smile. The city is amazing, I love it. So I'm going to head out for now, I might be on around now tommorrow.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I want out. Seriously, I do. I want to get out of this place, i'd enjoy shredding my american passport so much. Seriously people, do I belong here? Do I? No I don't. Really, theres one reason I'd want to stay here, and that person already knows, but if that doesn't happen, fuck this place. Sure, I have my friends, but as much as I like them, they fit under the "acceptable sacrifices" category. If I have to stop speaking english I will. Sure, odds are I'd end up speaking a language like Dutch, but if anyone has heard me or anyone speaking it, it's pretty crazy language. I think realizing I was a Dutch citizen and getting my passport was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Fuck America, the EU is 1000x better.

Don't you, forget about me.

Don't Don't Don't

Don't you forget about me.

Will you stand above me?

Look my way?

Never love me?

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down down down.

Will you recognize me? Call my name or walk on by?

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down down down down.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Rome is Love

Lets see, what's happened since the last time I updated... Went to the Vatican yesterday, it was ok, then off to the Musei Vaticani which was grand. Afterwards I was walking around outside the exit and these Spanish girls kept taking looks at me and giggling when I got close. I walked up to them and after about ten minutes of trying to speak the others language and laughing at eachother stupidity, the main one I was talking to goes "I really like your eyes, thats what I wanted to see." (something like that.) Basically, flirting when you barely know the others language (well over two years of spanish and I still can barely speak it outside of class.) will at least 75% of the time be crazed body movements and horrid attempts at speaking the others language. God I love this city, and a special girl who I keep looking for because I'm hoping to see her one more time. I just love walking around at night, for the times I was at the bookstore walking across the Tiber into Trastevere. Right now I'm at an Irish pub, where I was last night as well, and its great. Spending the rest of my nights at the Campo di Fiori or at the Piazza Navona. It's going to really suck going back home, because compared to this place its an utter shithole, my friends are there, but at least here girls are actually interested in me. Well I'll be on around now tommorrow, see you. I love Europe : )
I'm in Rome right now. Our flight left like two hours late from Miami due to thunderstorms, and when we arrived at Milan-Malpensa we had just missed our connection, along with at least thirty other people (thats enough for them to hold the plane you fools!). So after a bit of a fiasco we got transferred to Milan-Lante(?) and then flew to Rome finally.

Anyway, I feel like such utter shit, its 20.48 here right now, and I dunno. I don't know why but i'm depressed way too much now, but it's not like I can do anything about that. I just don't feel right here, but it's not like I feel right at home, I guess god chose for me to live a shoddy unmeaningful existence. I just wish something could go right for once, just for once.

Is that too much to ask?

I'll catch you guys around this time tommorrow.

Thursday, June 19, 2008




Did-did-did-did-did you see the frightened ones?

Did-did-did-did-did you hear the falling bombs?

Did-did-did-did-did ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the promise of a brave new world unfell beneath the clear blue sky?



Did-did-did-did-did you see the frightened ones?

Did-did-did-did-did you hear the falling bombs?

The flames are long gone but the pain lingers on

Goodbye Blue Sky!

Goodbye Blue Sky!



Wednesday, June 18, 2008

There's something about foreign music. Be it Russian, German, Dutch, Italian, Romanian, and so on. Be it Pop, Techno/Trance, Rock, and so on. It must be the fact that a lot of times you can't tell what their saying, its the fact its good, and yet how its so unknown. Its just so calming sometimes...



Sunt eu, un haiduc.
Si te rog, iubirea mea primeste fericirea.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Today (17th of March in the Age of the Lord MMIV) I will be leaving for Rome, Italy, via Milan. We shall be staying in a Flat near the Piazza Navona until the afternoon of the 25th (leave a comment if you want to make plans for the 25th, 26th, or 27th.). If you want to reach me in Rome, if I find an internet cafe, I will most likely be on in the evening (i.e. six or later) which will be from noon EST to maybe four or five due to Rome being on Central European Time. Now, there is a slight chance I will spend the money in my wallet ($100, 25 Euros, 10 NZD) to buy a train ticket (yes I have enough) to either London via Paris, or I will end up in the Principality of Licteinstein or the Principality of San Marino due to whatever Diplomatic Immunities I'll get there (if someone tries to drag me back to the states.) I'll see you guys later today before I leave towards better horizons.

Just for your information, I will no longer be the same person, enjoy.

Friday, June 13, 2008

If any of you could find me the price of a train ticket from Rome to Paris in either Euros or USD, it'd be helpful, much thanks.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Well I got rid of her, again.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Isn't it lovely how, when someone wants back into your life, they act as if they'll do anything for you, but once they're finally back in and they know it, they'll ignore you and treat you like shit? 

Tonight i'm doing some Jewish Hummer Limo Road Rally thing from 8-12.

But it truly is wonderful how someone also disappears for almost 24 hours (still counting mind you) right after?

Well that just isn't Cool for Cats now is it?

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Doled out one by one, promises in each little sphere. Taken with water, two will make it go away, three to four shut the door, five or more turn the key.

Sunlight fading, spots going off in the sky, voices resonant, piercing eyes, time too slow.

And the darkness comes, just like it should've, but never had the chance.

Final Sunset of the Spotless Mind.

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Trial

Good Morning the worm your honour!  The crown will plainly show the prisoner that now stands before you was caught red-handed showing feelings, feelings of an almost human nature!

This will not do.

Call the School master!


*Voices rise in unison*

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

Tear Down the Wall!

Friday, May 23, 2008

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.
Bright and Early for the daily races,  going nowhere, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, no tommorrow, no tommorrow.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world,
mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good.
Happy birthday, happy birthday.
When they feel the way every child should.
Sit and listen, sit and listen.
Went to school and I was very nervous,
noone knew me, noone knew me.
Hello teacher, tell me whats my lesson,
look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
but when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world...
mad world...

enlargen your world... 

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Et Tu?

Et Tu, Brutus?

Are you going to already?  What are you waiting for?  Stab me like all your friends have done, its nothing new.  I lie in the puddle of my own blood for even trying to bring a change to this Empire.  You see that dagger in your hand?  It belongs in my heart, thats where it goes.  I am already dying,  end my suffering already.  I am truly sorry that you just couldn't stand me changing things, and I am truly sorry for that.

-Brutus strikes forward,  Julius is slain, and Brutus runs out of the senate-

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Oh Thine Heart, Why Does thy Doth Burn?

I don't even know whats going on anymore, everytime I start to have an extreme sense of an emotion I just drug myself down (the people of my Spanish II class see me the most like this.).  Today was ok, Geometry went fine, then Gym passed by, in PC Support I the server/power was down so we sat around, and at some point we just all took our cells and played ringtones for ten minutes, after lunch we watched White Fang.  Right before Spanish started I saw her again, which for some reason whenever I see her, some extreme of an emotion is stirred, so I just took my little baggie out and took a sleeping pill.  Of course I tell myself "Justin, lack of sleep plus a sleeping pills equals overkill," I don't listen, and I end up passing out every ten minutes in my class until I get used to it and just stay awake with the pills in effect.  I came home, lied around, ended up getting really angry so I took two more pills, which is just stupid because nowadays my pills last longer on me which means I just crossed dosages.  So I ended up passing out on my bed and then waking up a half hour later with a throbbing headache and walking around my house like a Zombie.  Oh well, I do these things because if I don't I fear i'm going to kill someone or worse, myself.

Judged in the Name of God - - - -  Ye Art Guilty

Monday, May 12, 2008

Life is a Cruel Mistress.

Judged in the Name of God - - - - Ye Not Guilty

Actually, what I put up there, must be an utter lie.  I believe I am guilty, how so? Let me explain.

My life is getting progressively worse, I love how people say "Oh, It'll get better" and then another bad thing happens.  Yesterday I almost got a two day suspension, but managed to get a saturday detention.  Then in my next class (the teacher who reported me teaches this.) the teacher thought I was proud of it (even though I wasn't, she just cut me off and said I was arrogant.) and stuck me out in the hall, called my parents, and was on the verge of giving me a referral. 

Oh? Not that bad you say?  How about number two?  The fact anyone I could even feasibly be interested in is taken, or perhaps in one instance hates me.

Number three?  How about the fact my only salvation, a summer in NZ, has gotten its dates fucked up, which might mean July 16th- August 9th, compared with last year's June 25th- July 25th.

Life has turned into hell.

I also feel I am losing my sanity, or that is, whenever I'm not drugged up on sleeping pills so I can't feel the near-constant pain (I ended up having to take sleeping pills in fourth class yesterday, and for some reason they managed to semi-last until the beginning of Youth Court).

You hear that? It's the resonant echo that is almost on a constant replay in my head, it's a constant reminder of my pain and sorrow, I don't even know what's happening, and I make it go away with, what else? sleeping pills.  Hello Mr. Ambien, nice to meet you.

It feels as if the only reason keeping me alive is the future, the hope that in 7 3/8 years everything will turn out like I hope it to, hopefully it will.

But I must ask you this-

If I go crazy will you still call me Superman?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

He Came from outer space, to save the human race, a creature with a dream... to play for the children of the night.

-From The Nomi Song, Klaus Nomi

Sunday, May 4, 2008



What is it?

Hatred is anger, pain, suffering, sadness, and grief rolled all into one.
And I am filled with it.

Hatred is close to Love, just as Love is close to death.

I am filled with hatred, and it torments me everyday.

I am filled with hatred, but I never wonder why.

I am filled with hatred, and it never changes.

I am filled with hatred, and I demand revenge.

I am filled with hatred, and I fear for your life.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Were You There?

Were you there when the bombs were dropped?


Were you there when the cities and their millions of inhabitants were desintegrated in a fraction of a second?


Were you there when a billion cries were silenced?


Were you there when the day turned black as night and the snow started to fall?


Were you there when the TV and Radio broadcasts stopped?


Were you there when any sense of a faVade of a government disappeared?


Were you there when the lights went out?


Were you there when Earth became one with the darkness of space?


I know, I was there.






                                                                                                                                    Dated: July 12, 2009

Thursday, May 1, 2008


Seven things in my room:
1- computer
2- tv
3- bed
4- desk
5- flags
6- globe
7- uh, soviet stuff?

Seven things to do before death:
1- Get Married
2- Move to Europe
3- Get rid of American citizenship
4- have kids
5- get a job
6- uh, live happily ever after?
7- hmm...

Top seven movies:
1- Shaun of the Dead
2- 28 Days Later
3- Kill Bill
4- 8 Crazy Nights
5- hmm
6- uh
7- no clue

Top seven things you say most:
1- Hey
2- Bloody
3- Huzzah
4- Bloody Wanker
5- Soviet
6- hmm
7- let me get back to you on this

Seven facts about you:
1- I am Justin Andrew Willems I of The Kingdom of the Netherlands, The United States of America, and The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
2- I'm short
3- I'm 14
4- I have dual citizenships
5- I've got Moneyz
6- I'm too damned sensitive sometimes
7- I'm trying to form an Underground Organization

Seven things that make you sad:
1- being lonely
2- love
4- the fact that now everyone decides to get in a relationship
5- being stuck here right now
6- eh
7- a lot of you guys?


Smoke?: no
Read the newspaper?: sometimes
Pray?: on occasion
Gone skinny dipping?: hmmm
Had a medical emergency?: no
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: no
Played strip poker?: nope
Gotten beaten up?: I got punched in the face
Beaten someone up?: punched the fucker in the jaw/cheek
Been on stage?: uh, like those stupid 2nd grade things
Slept outdoors?: yep
Pulled an all nighter?: of course
If yes, what is your record?: one night
Ever made out with a stranger?: no
Been on radio/tv?: does the newspaper count?
Been in a mosh-pit?: kinda
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: ahahah, depends what you think
First kiss?: back in november
Pepsi or coke?: Coke
Chocolate or vanilla?: Chocolate
Internet or phone?: both
Suicidal?: awhile back
Stubborn?: somewhat
Open-minded?: somewhat
Arrogant?: occasionally
Patient?: not usually
Hyper?: only during school
Nice?: depends who you are
Happy?: I used to be
Shave your head for $1000?: what? I love my hair!

Like candles?: depends what atmosphere they're in (;

Believe in love at first sight?: yeah

Believe in forgiveness?: sometimes
Want to get married?: yea

Want to have kids?: yeah
Ever want to adopt kids?: not really


[three words that sum you up]: Crazy, Sensitive, Foreign

[jewelry worn daily]: two rings, and a soviet (any, or russian) pin if that counts
[wallet]: Hello people!
[coffee]: not as much now that i've gotten my teeth whitened

[shoes]: New Balance
[cologne/perfume]: no
[clothing you have on]: blue boxers


[cried]: almost
[bought something]: uh, lunch?
[gotten sick]: no
[sang]: hmm, no
[eaten]: c'mon, what kind of question is that?
[been kissed]: nope
[felt stupid]: perhaps
[wanted to tell someone you love them, but you didn't]: don't think so
[seen someone you have a crush on]: nope
[had a serious talk]: no
[missed someone]: yes
[hugged someone]: no
[argued with a parent(s)]: earlier


[best girl friend]: hmmm, I haven't the slightest, uh Shannon?
[best guy friend]: Jake, Brad, Nick, Mike, Tim, a few others
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: nope
[hobbies]: Spending Moneyz, friends, other stuff
[car you drive]: I want a bloody mini!
[would you rather be with friends or on a date]: date
[job]: I have a job waiting for me at circuit city
[church]: synagogue
[like being around people]: yeah


. Slept in your bed: well, not sleeping, but lying, Melissa
. Saw you cry: not sure
. Made you cry: That person no longer exists, thank you, have a nice day
. You shared a drink with: hmmm...
. You went to the movies with: Mike, Tim, Ashley, etc.
. You went to the mall with: Nick, Tim
. Yelled at you: Muzzah


. Said "I Love You" and meant it?: I hate you guys so much
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: all the time
. Wish you were the opposite sex: no not really
. Had an imaginary friend: that voice in the back of my hea... no
. What book are you reading now: uh, The Teaching of Buddha?
. Worst feeling in the world: being alone
. What's under your bed: nothing, since I can't put anything under my bed
. Favorite sport to watch: footie!
. Siblings: none
. College plans: Go to UF, if I get kicked out of the country, Oxford, Utrecht, or Gronigen.
. Piercings/tattoos: Dude, of course not
. Do you do drugs: no
. Do you drink: on occasion
. Who is your best friend: Jake outside school, brad inside school
. What clothes do you sleep in: white t-shirt, boxers
. Where do you want to get married: London perhaps?
. Who do you really hate: Haha, take a guess


. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: sorta
. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: It's called getting dumped you insensitive fucks
. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really

. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: too many

. Band(s)/Singers/DJ's: The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AC:DC, Guns N` Roses, Travis, The Jam, The Cult, DJ Tiƫsto, Paul van Dyk, Ferry Corsten, Eiffel 65, and many more
. Color: Red, Orange, Silver, Blue.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Viaggia Insieme A Me

Today was pretty decent, hung out at Jake/Nick's with them and Mark until Mark and Nick left. Sat around, played video games, surfed the net, ate Pizza. Listened to Jake's parents scream at him about his D in Biology. It was good enough for a saturday I guess. Whatever, I'd consider life good, but there is the definite act of a feminine presence, and there might be a slight doubt about UMF7... Oh well, good enough.

German  Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger
You're a German Tiger Tank (Panzer VI)

You were the backside punter of battlefields. When
Michel Wittman and his crew drove you around like the
blood-thirsty aryans they were, you blew up 273
american/soviet armor units on your own. All
that thanks to a big ass cannon and a
Berlin-Wall thick armor. You did have some
serious drawbacks like costs of production and
complex maintenance but we can't really expect
something else from Germans. Conclusion: You
probably rule.

Which WWII Tank are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, April 24, 2008

From New York, London, to Amsterdam... Let's Fuck... I want to Rock Your Body, Rock

It's kind of weird when you consider it, how relative everything truly is, how you can destroy someone's existence in yours if you want to, how you can work to make it seem like they never existed. Ever seen those posters that say "Everything is possible if you set your mind to it!" Well those are correct to a point. I've been trying something and its rather sad when you see your memories destroying themselves "in front of your eyes (Ok, not exactly "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" style)". But we all have our sacrifices to make and I think its time I made mine. For Spring Break we're getting a Flat in Roma and the odds are most definitely favour of me going to UMF7. So woo... Oh, and I'm at jake's right now.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Move Your Body Body, Move Your Mind, Everybody body

Not Much happened today, LTM day, got up late, went to school. Had fun, I pissed brad off by squeezing his broken thumb, if it makes him feel better I'll let him punch my [Supposedly] Broken Rib. Today I also started an effort to form a Russian Mafia/Yakuza Wellington. Right now, other than myself, we have three members, including an overseas agent based in Honolulu. I also found out we're going to Rome for Spring Break (EU again Biznotches!) and that I'll get back on the 25th which means I can go to Ultra Music Festival 7! All I need to see is if Jacob Tibbs, Matt, and Maybe Jacob Haft are in. Heh, I'm turning into a Raver/Techno Junkie, its Neat.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Blue are the People Here who Walk Around

Well I'm back kiddos! Been on a bit of a break, heh. I got a Cell Phone, which is pretty kickass, I got a remote for my iPod, and my mother got a Jaguar. Spring Break this year is going to be awesome. We're either A) Going to London to see my aunt (from NZ) who's at an internet (?) convention/conference, and then heading to either Copenhagen (by plane or train) or to Rome (by plane or train) or B) We're staying here and I'm going to UMF7 with some friends and maybe... *cries* that Maroon 5 concert... why? because considering who we get around here, we should cheer to get Maroon 5... oh and maybe that U2 concert (whenever it is.) Blue (da Ba Dee) reminds me of my past... its interesting... 1999 Biznotches! Catch you guys later.

Monday, April 21, 2008


Well I cut the lines, and it actually does feel good, tommorrow I'm heading to Jacob Tibbs house, and I'll post about me going to the fair on monday. Wooooo, It's over kiddos.


Do you see these marks on my arms? You gave me them, not me. Do you sense the part of my mind that destroyed itself everytime I had to numb myself? Not my fault. Do you feel the way I feel everytime I see you and my heart seizes up and my senses all flare? No couldn't be me, couldn't feasibly be. Do you know how I felt when I realized that I was alone and I would never feel your heart beating beside mine again? But in the end it doesn't really matter does it? Nothing matters to you, because I am nothing, I am the wonderful creation of the dregs of modern day society, I am Justin Andrew Willems, but that is all, a name among six billion others, if I disappeared it wouldn't effect everyone, or really anyone for that matter. Well I have new plans, its time to pack my bags and leave, hopefully I'll get my mother to agree to it once she sells the rest of my properties, my father would probably go along with it. I have new plans, on New Years we said to us, and now its to me, it's to NZ Summer `05 and if all goes well, London `06 and all years thereafter. I have nothing holding me back anymore, and if you were smart you should not care when I'm gone. Have a Nice Day.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Why does my mind not allow me to stop thinking about her? Why does everything I try fail miserably? Why does it seem to stop I'd have to drug myself into a near-catatonic state, which I do not want to do. Why does it seem that god closed my door but didn't open my window? When will this end? When will my parents just move us to London so I can just forget about this place and pretend it never happened. God, if there was any a time I'd rather be in NZ it'd be now...

Thursday, April 17, 2008


Well I finally got my mom to (Re, as in think about it again, even though she was planning on it anyway)think us moving overseas, which is pretty much good news, even though I'll miss my friends, I do think London or Rotterdam (or my second choice, Liverpool, Ol` Merseyside) would be pretty awesome.  Not much happened this weekend, felt like shit, slept at jakes house for two nights, went to the movies two nights, had parties at jakes including myself, Nick, Jake, Mark, Mike, and Tim, which was pretty awesome, I'm planning on going to the fair tommorrow, which will help me get my mind off things, hopefully, its that, or waiting until Mark gets some percosets, oh well. 

I Can't Sleep Tonight, everybody is saying everything's all right, still I can't close my eyes,  I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these light's... Sunny Days,  oh where have you gone?  I get the strangest feeling... you belong.   Why Does it always rain on me? Is it because I like when I was seventeen?  Why does it always rain on me? Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightnin`  Where did the blue sky go?  Why is it raining so cold... so cold...

Travis- Why Does it Always Rain on Me?

ok ok shut up, I felt like writing that, because I like the song, and its good, especially when you feel like shit.  Oh and apparently the day I got dumped I became a crazed Billy Idol fan, which Jake wants to beat me for.


You Are 23 Years Old
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

New Years

Well its another New Year *blows whistle thingy* I spent my New Years with Jessica. We spent time together at my house, before going to a family friend's party, and then went back to my place for midnight. But parents are so bloody hypocritical, they want me to have sex with her, but god forbid we sleep together. I woke up three times that night, partially because I was still pissy at my parents. Today was spent with, guess who, Jessica again. But she ended up having to go at five because she was grounded for not doing the dishes, haha. But all in all, not a bad way to start the New Year.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Wooo, Curacao

I'm in Curacao right now, its about +1 from EST due to daylight savings. Its been pretty good, boring and hot for the past few days, I got here on the twenty-fourth. Got $100 USD and 50 Guilders for Christmas. Mostly been going out then vegging out. Went to Dennys on Christmas and went around Otrabanda, and then went to a party christmas night, that was awesome, it was at the place overlooking the harbour. Went to the Yacht Club near our weekend house yesterday, and today we drove around, went to Punda... twice (first time earlier couldn't find a parking spot, so we went back later.). Firecrackers went on sale today! Awesome! There are firecrackers/fireworks going off on the entire island, you can hear them, its like a warzone, and as we near New Years it will just get worse... wooo! Tonight we were setting off a lot, a whole carpet too. So yeah, my ears hurt, its been awesome, but I am looking forward to coming back on the thirty-first. So yeah, I'll see you guys soon.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Jessica, Exams, and the Wonderfulness of Footie

Today I had Geometry and Debate for exams, Geometry was easy, and Debate wasn't an exam. Exam week has been a bitch, but hey, more time out of school. I got a Digital Camera yesterday, its pretty neat. Today I went to Jessica's after school. Luckily for me, they have digital cable which meant one thing... Fox Sports World baby. I watched Sky Sports News (Sky News is essentially the English CNN) and then the beginning of a game between Werder Bremen and Bayern Munich (German Bundesliga... eh). We then did other random stuff, and then to my luck, there was a Manchester United (woo!) and Crystal Palace game at three. Sadly though, my favourite player, Ruud van Nistelrooy, was out on a hamstring (?) injury. Manchester United still beat Crystal Palace (one of the seven London Clubs, it just recently came back into the Premiership from one of the secondary leagues.) 5-2. To my luck, I got Jessica into footie, so hopefully we'll have another Manchester United/Ajax Amsterdam fan going around. I have Biology and Spanish II exams tommorrow, uhoh. Today was a good day though.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


The Plans.... Next week I'm royally fucked, after that I'm off to Curacao from the twenty-fourth to the (i'm guessing) twenty-ninth/thirtieth.  I'm glad to be going though, I get a break, and I get a chance to see the relatives.  I'm going to probably have internet access so that'll be a plus and a minus (I won't have internet withdrawal, but I'll be stuck talking to the lot of you.).  I'll probably be spending a lot of my time blowing shit up with firecrackers and what not (Crazy Dutch Christmas's/New Year's).  But whats more fun than putting M180's into half-liter bottles and throwing them off one of my relative's houses on a cliff into Willemstad Harbour? Its a Dutch Commonwealth, so I'm a citizen (well, being that it is technically The Netherlands.). Then I come back to the states and go on a cruise on Holland-America.  After that... well oh boy... school.  Been in a shitty mood, but I always have my friends to cheer me up: DirtyPoorKid: hey justin
ShiningDomon325: hey
DirtyPoorKid: your testicles are belong to us
ShiningDomon325: grand
DirtyPoorKid: felicitious, no?
ShiningDomon325: haha
DirtyPoorKid: i wish to be known as... Jake the dot communist!
ShiningDomon325: ...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


At least some people love me, I may be a guy, but I still find this cute. Meh.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Random Update

Feel like shit, but hey, at least I was happy for a half hour today, good enough I guess.

Its a nice day for a white wedding... its a nice day to start again... its a nice day to start again...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Saturday Partying, and The Communist Republic of Palm Beach

Well today was spent sitting around at home for the first couple of hours, and then heading over to Jake/Nick's where Tim and Mark also were. We spent awhile playing Xbox and partying like crazy idiots. Tim and Mark eventually left so it was Nick, Jake, and I. We have several inside jokes that came from the movie "Coneheads", and me, of course having a condom on me, show it to nick and mention the "Chewing gum" joke (in the movie the guy conehead thought condoms were chewing gum) I did it to him later, and he thought it was a pack of gum and said "You're not having that whole thing, share it with me" So me and Jake start cracking up and I tell Nick "Sure lets share it, let me tell you." While Nick laughs at his own mistake. We also sat around, Watching Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, and during the commericals, 1984 (Me and Jake did the B.B. Ingsoc thing a couple of times.). I then went home because I didn't feel like spending the night, even though I think I should have.

Mark mentioned about the time he thought of me when he saw a picture with the Hammer and Sickle on a pack of Ecstasy. We laughed, and then him or Nick (not quite sure) mentioned how in their history class how they talked about how Communism would work on the Island of Palm Beach (yes! another republic to join our cause!). So how about it? Anyone interested in helping me have Palm Beach break off from the Union and become a bastion of Communism? Please?

Friday, April 4, 2008

Spending the Night with Jessica

Well school was no biggie, just rather tired from getting sick, again, from Jessica, even though it was my cold to begin with. Went to Jessica's after school. Nothing really big, just cuddled for about six hours, but then had to hide in her closet, because today/yesterday and wednesday we've been playing the "her mother/family should not know I'm here" game. So I got stuck in a closet for fifteen minutes while some of her family was in the room, and then after what seemed like forever, they finally left, and she came back (after I called her cell phone to get her attention.). I did have to end up climbing out through the window, but it wasn't that bad, I don't mind putting up with a little bit of crap in order to see her for awhile (well, tonight it was a long time.). It was a lovely night.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Your lips move but I can't hear what you say

Today was shitty and boring, and the fact I still have Jet Lag didn't help.  I have managed to do something I quite love, with some mental effort, and sleeping pills, I have reached the point of complete neutrality, which is quite possibly the most wonderful thing that can be felt.

Ok ok ok... just a little pin prick, no need more ahhhhahahhhh but you may feel a little sick.  Can you stand up?  I do believe its working... good.  That'll keep you going for the show.  C'mon its time to go.

There is no pain you are receding.  A distant ship smoke on the horizon.  You are only coming through in waves.  Your lips move but I can't hear what you say.  When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,     out of the corner of my eye, I turned to look but it was gone,  I cannot put my finger on it now,  the child is gone, the dream is gone.   

I-I-I have become comfortably numb.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Random Update

Just another random update, in a shitty mood again, but hey, whats new?

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Imagine theres no heaven, no hell below us, above us only sky, imagine all the people... living for today ah-aha-ah-ah imagine theres no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living life in peace, you-hoo-ooo-ooo, you may say I'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one, I'd hope some day you'll join us, and one day the world will be one...

Imagine all the people, sharing all the world... you-hoo-ooo-ooo...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Is it Wrong?

Is it wrong that I seek to get the hell out of this place? Is it wrong that I seek a person who thinks my actions are atrocious and tells me that I'm a horrible, horrible person? Is it wrong that I constantly flip flop feelings? Is it wrong that at one moment I'm happy and at the next I feel I should start knocking on Heaven's door? Is it wrong that I haven't actually slept without sleeping pills since a time I can't remember? Is it wrong that I feel a feeling to get rid of everyone I know and disappear into another place?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Sorry about this, but pray for healthcare to go to hell for me, please?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Speaking to you from Barcelona

Well, thats right, i´m in Barcelona, and that time up there is +6 hours from yours, not too bad, i´m just writing a small update. Finally got to use my Dutch Passport, so thats right, I´m technically living in Spain, Huzzah! It was great going through the EU line, my father asking if we could drag my mom through it too (heh, Americans). Its a lot colder here than in florida, but Madrid, even though its a bit south, is colder, due to us having La MediterraneĆ². Frankly if it was up to me, I´d like to rent a flat up in London, but hey, I have to head back to the states on Monday. I´ll write a better update of the whole trip when I get back, see you guys.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Europe Ahoy!

Well not much happened this weekend/week, the usual of course. This is just a reminder, that from tuesday at 14:00 (2:00 PM) to Monday at some point, I will be on a brief trip to the European Union, business as usual, I'm off to Barcelona (Spain again? sigh). But at least I'll get off of school, have time to think and, holy shit, sleep. Of course, when I get home on monday be sure to talk to me, because I'll be drunken from Jet lag, but if I bitch you out, don't think anything of it. Europe Ahoy!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Spending the Day with My Love

In complete contrast to yesterday, today was completely wonderful, or at least after school. Classes were either fast or slow, not that it matters. Got report cards, two A's, four B's, and one C (damn Geometry Hon.). After school, despite fighting with my parents, I went to Jessica's. It was great as usual, being that we spent about ninety-seven percent of the three and a half hours I was there lying in her bed, together. We did make out, (yes I know you're reading this, you know who.) which was great. We then went for a walk in the cool November's Eve, before my father picked me up. It was nice spending my night with my love.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Meh... Depressed...

Meh, just feeling depressed. Hoping healthcare will shoot straight to hell so my mother will take us back home. C'mon Bush Fuck it up... please?

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Those guys who said Heaven existed were right, just I've found it on Earth

Well, this weekend has been great, Saturday I went with Jessica and her weird friends to the mall, we hung out and walked around, and I watched them be crazy American Skaters, sigh. Saturday night was much better, I went to Jessica's house a tad early, and had to wait around for her to get home, but hey it was worth it, We went for a walk, after listening to her mother scream about how one of the heat lamps got knocked over by a cat, and burnt a hole in the carpet. We eventually got to a field near the Wellington Country Club East(?) and we kind of snuggled and looked at the stars and talked. After an hour we went to her house and lied in her bed and watched TV and snuggled, for about an hour and a half, then I had to go. Today she came to my house and we Snuggled, watched TV, and looked at photos (pretty much all at the same time) for about three hours and a half (actually the snuggling lasted that long). Then my parents came home, which made it really akward, but after dinner, we snuggled some more in my room and she had to leave. A good end to a good week I'll say.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Its that time again... Debate!

Today I had a debate tournament today. I woke up at 6:30 having gotten only 3 1/2 hours of sleep (late night shizznanigans). We arrive at Suncoast and I notice something... this school is bloody old! Its from the bleedin` 60s! So anyway, off to mock congress, where its 2 and a 1/2 hours of heat and boredom. Then was lunch, ran into those girls from DSOA (well frankly they're the ones that said hi), and acted like an idiot with my friends (reason: see above about congress). I was wearing a Russian Flag Pin on my shirt (instead of an American one) and people thought it was cool, or weird, but regardless they reffered to me as comrade. Back to congress, more boredom and heat. Then back to the cafeteria for awards, met a girl I thought was cute, actually one from wellington (Seriously, debate (as in all the schools) is the place to meet hot girls.) for a change. We rather hit it off, even if I acting like a schmuck thanks to congress, turns out later once I got home she had a BF, oh thanks for not telling me...assholes.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Calling it Racial Equality is an Overstatement

Ah yes Monday... hated by many, loved by few. In period two (Team Sports I) we played a game of basketball 3v3 (Sopczak was on my team, the only one you'd recognize) and two people on their team were black. Awhile back as some of you may know I started occasionally acting "ghetto" in basketball. First off I asked them if saying "Nigga, please" would offend them. They said no, and I would shout that whenever someone tried to shoot. Soon it led to more words, like "tastycakes" and from someone else "twinkie." We also discussed how a white person can punch a white person and its no big deal, but if a white person punches a black person its deemed as a "hate crime" (racial equality...ha) and the said white man is sent to jail, and if a black person punches a white person its said that the white guy deserved it. I made the mistake of saying "Nigga please" to the one black kid in period four (PC Support I) (Hes nicknamed "Minority") and he basically joked around about being pissed and basically pretended to beat me up. Wait why am I bringing this all up? Um, I don't know. Period six (Spanish II) sucked ass, as usual, boredom, while listening to Mrs. Laughlin (who has more facial hair than I do) whine and bitch and force us to do work occasionally. Then kind of passed out on the bus, woke up went home, and then joined some buds in MCFS3 online, all in all not bad.

PS. Am I allowed to represent the government of a country that no longer exists?

PPS. Leave a fucking comment for once people!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Debate... Straight from Hell to your screen

Ok, TTSSM just told me we were 13th out of 13 PF teams. I said it was his fault, he then said it was mine. Fucking bullshit, its his fault, I screwed up ONCE, he screwed up at least THREE times. Thats why hes called TTSSM.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

American food, Minis, and Jamaican princesses, oh my!

Today was spent mostly at home, lying around somewhere between tiredness and hunger. Me and my father (the mother is in Tampa right now (no, not divorced.)) went out to eat, we made the stupid decision of going to J.J. Muggs. Got Calamari as an appetizer... not bad... but then I bought a Buffalo Chicken Sandwich... Bad idea. After awhile this horrible culinary creation of America forced me to clench my stomach (Just like yesterday somewhat.) while my arteries slowly crusted over. We then went to the Supermarket, but on the way I talked about me getting a car, looks like I might be getting a Mini in summer of 2006... Huzzah! Not much happened in the supermarket... shuffling etc. But on our way out, next to our car, we found a car with a forward license plate that said "Jamaican Princess". Ok now I this has been ticking me off for awhile. First a Disclaimer... No I'm not racist. I can understand you can be proud of being from a country, I know I am, theres nothing quite like the good ol` Netherlands. But when you're proud to be from a horrible country thats just stupid, for example, lets start with Venezuela... there are people proud to be from Venezuela, but think about it, why are you proud to be from a country where 80% of the people live in poverty? No I'm not talking "American Poverty" (I.E. you had to get a flat facing the city, because you didn't have enough money for the one on the other side of the building facing the ocean.), I'm talking about "I have to live in a cardboard box outside of McDonald's" poverty. and as for Jamaica, you're glad to be from a country where when you disembark from your boat you're greeted by police men with machine guns? I mean we're not talking about little tiny handguns, we're talking about a "you're going to get your body riddled with bullets and your head blown off" kind of gun. Also, the Cold front is gone, it went from 90 on Friday to 70 on Saturday and back to 90 today. It was neat at the tournament, because the cold gave me this feeling of holiday-ishness... In other news. Ajax Amsterdam lost to Heerenveen 1-3... ::tear::.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I just love the way trance music takes over your body and puts your mind at ease and lets you settle...

Yet Another

Today, at 6:35 AM CET (4:35 AM GMT), Prince Rainier III of The Principality of Monaco passed away. Over the course of his half-century reign, he turned Monaco into the prosperous land of Formula 1 Racing, Casinos, and Jet-setting it is today. Rainier's son, Prince Albert II, is set to take the throne.
I can't describe how much I hate you, how much I want to destroy you and whipe your existence away. You hear the pitter patter of the rain outside? It's beckoning for you to join it for one last time. It's a new day a-risin` and this one is cold and dark, enjoy the light one last time, for you're about to join the dark.

Debate... yeargh...

Agh, today was the debate tourney at WHS, of course I made the mistake of picking ol` Jake as a partner, who will know be referred to as "The Three-Sentence Speech Man" (TTSSM for short). So anyway, me and TTSSM had public forum in debate, I wrote the speech for Affirmative, him for Negative. We have this thing called Wellington Warm-Ups everyone on the WHS debate team has to do to "supposedly boost self-esteem, self-respect, and awakeness." (I can probably tie a 1984 reference into that.) Of course it has the adverse effect and I leave it without a shred of dignity...huzzah. Then we go to round one... got affirmative, tie... Round two... affirmative, lost to some girls from DSOA, one was incredibly hot though, and one of my friends who goes there wanted to tell her I thought she was hot (me and a junior?), at least it seemed like she might have been interested in me somewhat. Lunch... I make the wonderful mistake of buyng Mountain Dew: Pitch Black... NEVER BUY THIS DRINK. Basically first I became incredibly awake... second, I lost the need to blink, and finally my stomach felt like it got poisened and I walked to Round 3 clenching my stomach, TTSSM came up with the idea of bypassing it by vomiting... but I thought people in the courtyard would find it odd seeing someone punching themselves in the stomach and then vomiting purple into the bushes. Round three, got affirmative, got our asses handed to us, round four, got negative (finally), but on my final speech, which it was my first time at giving a "Final Focus", it went "blah blah... uhs and ums for fourty seconds 'Times up!'." Then I got invited to play hackey-sack with these hot girls from DSOA (dammit are they all like that?). TTSSM came over and I explained to them his lack of people skills, they introduced themselves to him, it went: "Hi I'm Angela!" "Hi" *me whispering* "Say your name!" Well all in all it wasn't that bad... Man I write too much